If New Year’s resolutions leave you exhausted before you’ve begun, it might be time to throw them all out and try this one thing for a calmer 2026. Plus, we share six science-backed ways to reset your nervous system.
Words: Anne Fletcher. Images: Shutterstock
The New Year arrives in a rush of good intentions. New planners. Gym trials. Fresh notebooks. Whole aisles of ‘clean slates’, all ready to be purchased for a small fee, of course.
And yet, behind the slogans and enthusiasm, something quieter hums through so many women’s lives — exhaustion. Not just the kind that a weekend lie-in can fix, but the deep, habitual fatigue that comes from holding everything and everyone together for too long. If that’s you — capable, kind, but quietly worn thin — this year’s most radical resolution might not be another plan to do more.
It might be the opposite. A promise to care for yourself before you care for anyone else. Because before you can rebuild confidence or banish brain fog (themes we’ll explore later in this issue), you need a base. And that base is you — but a you who is rested, nourished, rebalanced, resourced.
The culture of always doing
Wellbeing expert Dr Andy Cope says many of us are suffering from ‘Hurried Woman Syndrome’. ‘It’s not an official medical diagnosis,’ he says, ‘but it captures a very real pattern — a cluster of physical, emotional, and psychological symptoms seen in women trying to “do it all”.’
It’s a lifestyle so normalised that we barely see it anymore: alarm clocks, emails, mental lists, school runs, deadlines, groceries, texts. We are in perpetual motion. But Dr Cope argues that happiness can’t be found by adding more to this constantly growing list.
‘The closest we might come to achieving it is to move away from that list entirely — to focus instead on what we’re being, not what we’re doing.’ He calls it the ‘to-be list’.
‘If I asked you, “What 10 things do you want, that aren’t things?” you’d probably say happiness, peace, time, laughter, love, kindness, rest and friendship. That’s your clue. Recalibrate towards who you want to be while you go about your to-do list.’ He believes this shift changes our nervous system as much as our mindset.
‘When you orient yourself around being, you naturally slow your pace. You start noticing the small things — the glimmers.’
He smiles as he lists them: ‘Waiting for the kettle to boil? Pause. Notice the smell of the cake, the twinkle of fairy lights, the sound of kids arguing over Monopoly. These little slices of “ordinary” are the glimmers.’
They’re also resets: moments that tell your body, ‘I’m safe. I can rest now.’
Clinical psychologist Dr Mairead Molloy explains why the culture of ‘doing’ feels so hard to escape. ‘To high-functioning women, rest can feel like weakness or lost time, activating guilt or anxiety rather than calm,’ she says.
‘Many have expectations to “hold it all together”, leading to constant doing. Their nervous systems remain in a near-permanent state of hyperarousal, and genuine rest feels totally indulgent.’
For these women, she adds, rest isn’t just physical — it challenges deep-rooted beliefs about value, identity and control, and adds that busyness often hides fear.
‘Many people could benefit from identifying why they’re drawn to constant activity. It might be a fear of disappointing others. When you understand that, you can start to unhook your worth from over-giving.’
Rest isn’t laziness
According to mindset and life coach Jo Irving, our nervous systems are running on overdrive. ‘When we regularly rest, we signal to our nervous system that we’re safe — that it’s okay to exhale,’ she says.
She has seen women who can hold everything together for everyone else — until the moment they finally stop. ‘Then the exhaustion and emotion they’ve been holding surface. Learning to rest isn’t laziness; it’s leadership.’
She also sees how high-functioning women resist it: ‘We’ve built our identity around being capable and strong. Rest can feel like weakness when your worth has been tied to productivity. But ease isn’t indulgent; it’s essential.’
Rest shifts the body out of fight-or-flight and back into what she calls ‘calm, creativity and connection’. And that’s where perspective lives: ‘When you’re rested, you feel steadier, more inspired, and more connected to what really matters.’
Molloy sees the same mechanism in her therapy room. ‘Small pauses help us retrain the brain to associate stillness with safety, not guilt,’ she explains.
‘When someone feels too busy or too tired for self-care, I tell them to start small — take two deep breaths between tasks, step outside to admire a view, or say “no” once a week. Rest is productive; it fuels clarity and stamina.’
Dr Naomi Potter, a women’s health specialist, agrees. ‘Try scheduling a proper lunch away from your desk, even if it’s just 20 minutes. Don’t scroll, don’t check emails — let your body digest.’
She advises starting small like this because it helps you build up momentum, and is a way to create a positive impact even if you’ve been struggling. ‘If you’re not sleeping properly and you’re knackered, three or four strong cups of coffee will help you function in the morning — but by the end of the day, they make everything worse.
You can’t sleep, and you fall into a vicious cycle. ‘If you’ve got joint pain or no energy, you won’t feel like exercising. Then you miss out on the positive effects of movement — and round you go again.’
The pattern, Potter explains, can feel impossible to escape when your energy is low and your self-care feels like another task. Her advice? Begin with awareness. ‘Look at a week, not just a day. Ask yourself honestly: how much time am I giving to looking after me, rather than everybody else? Often, it’s not very much.’
The energy economy
Marian Evans, business and success coach, believes caring for yourself is a professional skill, not a soft indulgence. ‘In high-performance environments, we’re conditioned to override fatigue,’ she says. ‘But the nervous system doesn’t lie. Stress narrows our thinking, erodes good decision-making, and makes us reactive instead of proactive. Regular rest isn’t indulgent — it’s operational hygiene.’
She describes the turning point in her own leadership journey: ‘When I realised recovery isn’t a reward for hard work — it’s the prerequisite for high performance — everything changed. Self-kindness isn’t soft; it’s a performance tool, and too few people recognise that until it’s too late.’ Her method is analytical but empowering.
‘Think of your energy like a budget. What drains you? What fuels you? Track it like you would your finances.’ She calls this energy auditing: ‘Take a regular week and reflect honestly. Every unnecessary task you drop is energy reclaimed for what truly matters.’
Molloy adds a psychological dimension: ‘When you care for yourself, you regulate your nervous system, reducing emotional reactivity and allowing you to give to others freely and joyfully. Without regular self-care, giving becomes self-eroding, leading to resentment or burnout.’ It’s not about efficiency, Evans adds — it’s about integrity.
‘When I’m depleted, I become transactional. When I’m resourced, I become transformational. Caring for myself isn’t about me — it’s about how I show up for others.’
Boundaries as self-respect
All the experts agree: rest without boundaries is impossible. You can’t refill a cup that’s still leaking. Irving’s advice is to ‘pause before you say yes.’ She calls that single breath ‘an act of self-respect’.
‘Give yourself a moment to check: Does this honour me?’ she says. ‘That pause can change everything.’ Evans sees boundaries not as rejection, but redirection. ‘Every no is an act of alignment,’ she says.
‘It’s not about turning people away; it’s about turning toward what matters.’ When you’re clear on where your energy goes, you can invest it with purpose instead of guilt.
Small rituals for a big impact
The self-care we’re talking about doesn’t look like long holidays or spa visits or the clichéd bubble bath. Sometimes it’s the smallest shifts in rhythm that re-teach the body what balance feels like.
Irving recommends building what she calls micro-moments of kindness into your day: ‘A cup of tea in silence, breathing before a meeting, stretching between calls. It’s the frequency that matters more than the duration.’
And Molloy’s ‘gift for women’ this year is stillness itself. ‘Ten to fifteen minutes without purpose,’ she says. ‘No phone, no planning, no multitasking — just breathing and being. Stillness recalibrates the nervous system, clears mental noise, and reconnects you to intuition.’ Evans offers a spin on the same idea.
‘Energy management isn’t about finding more hours. It’s about using the ones you have more intentionally,’ she says. ‘Every five-minute pause pays dividends.’ The secret is consistency.
‘The nervous system loves repetition,’ Irving explains. ‘The more often you pause, the faster your body learns it’s safe to relax.’ She adds a quick way to check if something is actually self-care or simply a way to escape thinking about things. ‘Ask yourself — do I feel more like myself after this, or further away? That’s how you tell the difference between nourishment and distraction.’
Molloy calls this the restoration test: ‘Restoration leaves you calmer and more grounded, with replenished energy. Distraction only offers temporary relief. Simply ask whether you feel calm or drained afterwards.’
Reclaiming ordinary joy
As Dr Cope often reminds his clients that contentment doesn’t live in grand gestures. He offers small experiments in awareness: ‘Look up from your phone when you walk. Listen to your own footsteps. Feel the air on your skin. These micro-moments of noticing are what anchor you in now.’
Molloy calls this ‘micro-mindfulness.’ ‘It reminds your brain that the world isn’t just a to-do list,’ she says. ‘Awareness dissolves anxiety. It brings the body back into the moment.’ That noticing is restorative, not decorative. It’s how you remember that your life isn’t a problem to be managed — it’s a gift to be enjoyed.
The ripple effect
When women begin to treat their wellbeing as non-negotiable, the effects ripple outward. ‘When you’re nourished, you naturally have more patience, empathy, and clarity,’ says Potter. ‘You can hold space for others without losing yourself.’
Evans adds that it changes culture as much as mood. ‘When women protect their energy, they model sustainability. The teams, families and friendships around them start to mirror that balance.’ Irving calls this ‘leadership through presence’.
‘When you show that it’s okay to rest, you give silent permission for others to do the same,’ she says. ‘That’s how burnout culture shifts — one boundary, one example at a time.’
Molloy agrees. ‘If women prioritised wellbeing, we’d see children growing up knowing how to assert boundaries, and communities shifting from survival mode to sustainable living. ‘Burnout would decline, and creativity, empathy and productivity would thrive.’
A gentle revolution
Perhaps the most radical words that a woman can say in the forthcoming year are: I’m enough. Evans acknowledges how strange it can feel. ‘We’ve been conditioned to earn our worth through output,’ she says. ‘But “enough” isn’t a ceiling — it’s a foundation.’
‘Society celebrates women for self-sacrifice, but choosing rest asserts your right to exist beyond usefulness. Productivity does not define your value,’ says Molloy. Irving adds: ‘Rest disrupts the narrative that worth has to be earned. It says, “I’m enough exactly as I am, even when I’m not doing.”’
Dr Cope sees it as quiet resistance. ‘Step away from what doesn’t serve you,’ he says. ‘No news, no comparison, no guilt. Just being.’ The moment you stop striving to be ‘better,’ you’ll rediscover that you are already perfect, just as you are. And yes, that’s a direct quote from Bridget Jones. But that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
From rest to renewal
This month, why not try thinking of self-care not as a side task but as infrastructure — the ground everything else stands on. So take the smallest possible step toward balance: one early night, one phone-free lunch, one deep breath before a yes.
Every micro-adjustment tells your body, you matter. And when you’ve replenished enough to feel steady again, you’ll be ready for what follows: not perfection, but momentum. The gentle forward movement that grows from safety.
What Real Rest Looks Like
6 science-backed ways to reset your nervous system
We often talk about ‘rest’ as though it’s passive — a blank space between the real stuff of life. But according to our specialists, rest is a physiological process: the moment your body shifts from alert to safe. Here are six ways to make that happen, even on the busiest day.
1. Try the 3–6 Breathing Pattern
Dr Naomi Potter recommends balancing your nervous system through breath. Try inhaling for three counts and exhaling for six. That long exhale activates the parasympathetic (‘rest and digest’) branch of your nervous system, telling your body you’re safe. Do it whenever you feel tight-chested or tense.
2. Drop Your Shoulders, Literally
Jo Irving calls this her ‘micro-reset’. Most of us live with shoulders permanently raised — a silent signal of stress. Consciously drop them, unclench your jaw, and release your belly. It’s an instant cue for your brain to stand down from threat mode.
3. Swap Stimulation for Stillness
Marian Evans suggests replacing one source of stimulation (news, social media, scrolling) with stillness for 10 minutes a day. Sit by a window. Watch the light shift. Let your eyes rest on something natural — the sky, a tree, the horizon. Visual distance helps cognitive calm.
4. Nourish yourself Before Numbing out
Potter reminds us that many ‘relaxing’ habits — wine, sugar, late-night scrolling — are really numbing, not nourishing. Ask: Do I feel clearer or foggier afterwards? Choose something that genuinely replenishes: a warm meal, hydration, stretching, or music that calms you.
5. Ground Through Your Senses
Dr Andy Cope teaches clients to anchor in the present moment using the five senses. Try it: name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, one you can taste. This pattern lowers stress hormones within minutes.
6. See rest as Rhythm, Not Reward
Evans advises reframing rest as a daily rhythm, not a prize you earn. ‘Recovery isn’t indulgence — it’s maintenance,’ she says. Build it into the day like brushing your teeth: small, steady, essential.
