Wedding speech expert, Heidi Ellert-McDermott, shares her expert tips for writing a Maid of Honour speech that is funny, heartfelt and actually sounds like you
Being asked to be Maid of Honour is a huge compliment. It can also be the exact moment you realise you’d happily organise the entire hen do again rather than stand up with a microphone.
Whether you’re a confident public speaker or someone who has never addressed a room before, giving a speech can feel daunting. But the same principles apply to everyone: start with meaningful stories, be specific, and speak from the heart.
Here are my nine top tips…
1. Do not start with an apology
Too many Maid of Honour speeches begin with “I’m not very good at this” or “I’ll keep this short.” It is meant to sound humble, but it immediately tells the audience to lower their expectations.
Instead, introduce yourself, explain how you know the bride and get to something specific quickly. Humour works well; not a cheesy, googled wedding gag but a real-life insight into the bride and your friendship.
You need to give the room a reason to relax and think, “Okay, she’s got this.”
2. Make the bride recognisable, not perfect
The most forgettable speeches describe the bride as “kind, beautiful, amazing and loyal.” All lovely words, but they could apply to half the people on Instagram.
The best speeches focus on the details that make her her. Is she wildly competitive? Pathologically organised? The friend who packs emergency snacks, plasters and emotional advice for a night out? T
The best material is rarely the big dramatic story. It’s the tiny, truthful detail everyone recognises.
3. Use stories, not adjectives
A compliment tells people what you think. A story shows them why it is true.
Rather than saying the bride is brave, talk about the time she changed career, moved city or stood up for someone. Rather than saying she is hilarious, tell us about the ridiculous holiday incident, the group chat moment or her weird habit that still makes everyone laugh.
Aim for two or three stories. One can be funny, one can be warm and one can reveal something deeper about your friendship.
That gives your speech shape, rather than making it feel like a random list of memories.
4. Find a hook
A good speech has a thread running through it. One idea that helps everything hang together.
Your theme might be “the bride who always has a plan,” or “the chaos you cannot help loving”.
Once you have that thread, your stories, jokes and compliments start working together.
5. Remember their partner
Yes, your speech should focus on the bride, but her new spouse needs more than a quick “and you seem nice too.”
Talk about your first impression of them. Were you instantly won over? Quietly suspicious? Running the unofficial best friend background check?
Then move on to what you’ve bonded over, whether it’s a mutual appreciation of Pinot Noir, shared hatred of cardio or the same deeply questionable taste in reality TV.
Most importantly, show what they bring out in the bride – whether they calm her down, encourage her adventurous side or share her wonderfully odd view of the world.
6. Remember humour is not just the best man’s job
Humour helps unite the room and makes the sentimental moments land harder.
Don’t be scared by the idea of being “funny”. It’s not about writing punchlines. It’s about telling good stories and spotting the details that make the bride brilliantly herself.
Think about the unusual experiences you have shared, her guilty pleasures, her teenage crushes, her quirks, her dramatic habits and the tiny things everyone who loves her will recognise.
But whatever you do, do not mention an ex. Not even “briefly”. Not even if it is hilarious. Not even if you have photographic evidence.
7. Don’t write for TikTok
We have all seen the “clever” wedding speech ideas online: the PowerPoint, the rewritten song, the mock awards ceremony, the fake courtroom prosecution, the bridesmaid rap.
Some can work. Most don’t.
Your speech doesn’t need a gimmick to be memorable.
The aim is not to go viral. The aim is to make the bride laugh, feel loved and avoid her quietly wondering why you have turned her wedding into open mic night.
8. Be ruthless with the edit
Your first draft is not the speech.
Most first drafts are too long, too explanatory and too polite. Cut anything generic. Cut jokes that need a three-minute set-up. Question whether every line has earned its place.
A good Maid of Honour speech is usually around five to eight minutes, which is roughly 700 to 1,100 words depending on your pace.
Anything over ten minutes risks becoming less “touching tribute” and more “hostage situation before pudding.”
9. Practise the delivery, not just the words
Even a brilliant speech can fall flat if it is rushed, mumbled or read like an insurance renewal letter.
Print your speech in a large font with plenty of paragraph breaks. Mark where you need to pause. This is especially important after jokes, because nervous speakers often move on just as the audience is about to laugh.
In our delivery coaching sessions, we focus on sounding conversational rather than “performed.” Look up regularly. And remember, smiling is infectious.
Do that, and you will not just get through it, you might even enjoy yourself.
Heidi Ellert-McDermott is the founder of Speechy and author of The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches.
For more expert wedding speech advice, editing and professional speechwriting support, visit https://www.speechy.com/
