Move over cosy nights in – a hot new date is in town. As our social calendars get packed with day drinks, festivals and beach trips this season, there’s no better time to swipe right, says award-winning matchmaker Gillian McCallum. Read on to find out her top tips for the perfect summer first date
Words: Amy Dowrick | Images: Shutterstock
If you’re having no success in the dating department this season, it might be time to swap those trusty nights in and movie marathon combos with a generous helping of vitamin D.
“It’s true that winter fosters a cosy intimacy as most events and dates take place indoors,” says Gillian, who has twice been voted Best Matchmaker at the ‘Oscars of the industry’. “This might seem romantic, but for those in the first dates category, summer completely opens the playbook on dating.”
According to Gillian, the sunnier season gives you the chance to make great memories straight off the bat – but it’s also backed by science. Increased exposure to sunlight triggers a surge in serotonin, the brain’s natural mood stabiliser, which can prompt us to feel more energetic, optimistic, and open to connection.
“In summer we are all naturally a more confident, outgoing and positive version of ourselves,” she says. “When both people enter a date already feeling vibrant and genuinely happy, the potential positive connection between you has a much higher baseline to build upon.”
The perks of summer dating
Low-pressure
With endless open-air date ideas like day festivals and afternoon walks, the opportunity to connect with someone in the summer is overwhelming – but it also takes the pressure off.
“These social calendar stalwarts are decidedly low-pressure dating environments,” says Gillian. “With such a fascinating backdrop and so much going on, you’ll never need to worry about being at a loss for words as there is always something to talk about!”
Cheaper
One of the perks of an outdoorsy date isn’t just the scenery – it’s also the price point.
“Summer activities – such as strolling through an open-air museum, exploring an outdoor gallery, or grabbing a coffee before walking along a scenic riverbank – are often far cheaper or completely free,” says Gillian. “This financial freedom should make you far more willing to go on more dates, and crucially, to take chances on dates you might not otherwise consider.”
Taking chances
Along with the confidence that comes with that boosted serotonin (thank you vitamin D), you might be more willing to take chances on not just where you date, but who.
“Ditch the rigid ‘shopping list’ criteria regarding height, income, or specific hobbies,” says Gillian, who suggests you don’t need someone identical to you. “Take a chance on someone with a different educational background, height, eating habits, even religion or income to you – you never know when taking a chance on someone and focusing totally on shared values, shared outlook, aims for the future, may well lead you somewhere wonderful.”
Gillian’s first date non-negotiables
Whether you date online, offline, through mutual friends, or you meet someone through work, there are two non-negotiable rules Gillian swears by to help nudge her clients towards success in finding love.
Keep it bite-sized
“The initial dates – ideally the first five – should never exceed 90 minutes,” she says. “In many ways, the better they are going, the more you should stick to this magical timeframe.”
Gillian says this will leave your date with a sense of anticipation and excitement, leaving them wanting more.
“A four-hour marathon date on day one can leave you feeling as though you’ve zipped through the whole relationship cycle from dating, through marriage and then sadly, because you have spent far too much time together in one – on to divorce!”
Stay up close
When you’re on the date, Gillian says to never sit directly across from them – or it might start looking more like a job interview than a meet-cute.
“Pick a venue where you can sit side-by-side at a bar or find a cute corner where you can sit next to one another and view the rest of the room,” she says. “Sitting close allows you to break the physical barrier naturally with a light, comfortable touch on the arm if you would like to show your attraction.”
But whether your date is an outdoor event, a cosy cafe, strolling through a museum, or a mutual friend’s BBQ, there is only one question Gillian says you need to answer for yourself: Do I want to see this person again?
“You do not need to figure out if they are going to be your spouse, if they fit your 10-year financial plan, if they’ll blend into your family dynamics on date one, or even if you would like to have sex with them – simply take your time to decide whether you would like to see them again,” she says.
And if those initial 90 minutes don’t work out, don’t panic.
“You are completely lovable, there is nothing wrong with you, and by going through a bad date, or even a so-so date, you are one person closer to finding the right one for you,” she says. “That is a much better option than spending two years with the wrong person.”
But while the right person is out there waiting for you, in the meantime, step outside, embrace the serotonin, and let the summer season work its magic!
Gillian McCallum is CEO of Drawing Down the Moon – the UK’s most trusted and longest-standing matchmaking agency. She has a wealth of knowledge and insight regarding human interaction, connection and relationships, and has an unrivalled passion for connecting people based on values as well as an uncanny gift of identifying what makes two people truly compatible.
