As we get older and start to understand ourselves better, feeling empowered in the bedroom has never felt easier – but it can also come with drawbacks. And while it’s easy to blame pain during sex on our hormones, that’s not the whole story
Words: Amy Dowrick | Images: Shutterstock
Physical intimacy in our later years can feel empowering. We can speak up for ourselves, feel empowered to get what we want and be in control of our pleasure. So why are we more likely to experience pain in the bedroom?
“Sex for us women in our later years can be great,” says Sytera Field, author of ‘Power Over Pain: Why Fascia Fitness Is the Key to Strength, Recovery, and Longevity’. “We know ourselves better and often have more mental space now that we’re past the busiest years of raising a family or establishing a career.”
“So, it seems unfair that, just as we’re better positioned to enjoy sex, we’re more likely to experience pain during it,” she adds. “Naturally, we blame hormones – but they’re not the whole story.”
The role of our pelvic floor in arousal
Our pelvic floor is a group of muscles and connective tissues stretching across the bottom of our pelvis, and supports the bladder, bowel and reproductive organs.
“Think of it like a trampoline,” says Sytera. “It needs enough tension for support, but enough give to rebound. Too tight, and it loses its bounce. Too slack, and it loses its support.”
And it’s our pelvic fascia that provides both support and flexibility. According to Sytera, fascia is the connective tissue network surrounding and connecting our muscles, nerves, blood vessels and organs. It’s rich in sensory receptors that send information about movement and tension to the nervous system, and it’s these signals that help the brain understand what’s happening in the body to influence our responses.
“When we feel safe, our muscles can relax,” says Sytera. “But when we sense stress or discomfort, our nervous system tightens our muscles, bracing for protection. All this plays a crucial role in our ability to achieve orgasm.”
During arousal, Sytera explains that changes in our blood flow and nervous system activity prepare us for pleasure, and that during orgasm, pelvic floor muscles undergo rhythmic contractions. “But these muscles also need to relax and lengthen comfortably, which is the part we tend to forget,” she adds.
Why Kegels won’t work
And it’s not something that a simple Kegel workout can fix. While it’s often suggested that they are the secret to a stronger pelvic floor and better orgasms, Sytera says that it actually goes much deeper (pun intended).
“Imagine making a fist and holding it all day,” she says. “Eventually, your hand becomes tired, uncomfortable and pretty useless. You wouldn’t fix that by squeezing harder. Yet that’s essentially what we tell women to do when prescribing endless pelvic floor contractions without considering whether those muscles are already overactive. A healthy pelvic floor needs to release, too.”
And when you add in menopause, and a decline in estrogen, Sytera says that so too does our body’s ability to maintain the collagen and elastin that give connective tissues strength, flexibility and resilience – which can cause tightness and pain during sex.
“Tissues become thinner, drier and less elastic, including those around the pelvic floor,” she says. “Fascia relies partly on movement to circulate and redistribute fluid, keeping tissues hydrated and moving smoothly.”
“Think of it as lubrication from the inside out,” she adds. “For enjoyable sex, we want supple, responsive tissues, not stiff, restricted ones.”
How can a tight fascia affect pleasure?
According to Sytera, sexual pleasure is more complicated than muscle contractions – it actually involves everything from blood flow, nerves, hormones, emotions, and relationships to how our brains interpret the experience.
“But when we’re stressed, our fascia and muscles brace,” she says. “Shoulders creep towards our ears, jaws tighten, breathing changes and, without realizing it, we clench our pelvic floor.”
And so, as our nervous system receives information from our bodies, including our fascia, when we’re uncomfortable or anticipating pain, it’s harder to relax and enjoy pleasure.
“Feeling safe, comfortable and confident makes a difference in our sex lives – and I’m not talking about confidence from liking what we see in the mirror,” she says. “I’m talking about understanding our body’s signals, so we recognize what we need, when we need it, and how to respond.”
Try this five-minute fascia workout for your pelvic floor
This quick fascia fitness workout combines myofascial (muscle and fascia) release, mobility and exercise to help the body work as a connected system.
“The goal isn’t to force your pelvis into submission, but to improve movement and awareness,” says Sytera. Follow her simple five-minute sequence:
Breathe and release (1 minute)
- Lie on your back, knees bent.
- Breathe into your lower ribs and abdomen.
- As you inhale, imagine the area between your pubic bone and tailbone softening.
- Don’t push or bear down. Just breathe.
Roll your hips (1 minute)
- Place a small, soft ball under one buttock and gently swish your hips side to side.
- Repeat on the other side.
- Avoid sharp pain and direct pressure on your pelvic floor.
Figure-four stretch (1 minute)
- Cross one ankle over the opposite thigh and gently draw your legs towards you.
- Hold about 30 seconds per side, breathing comfortably.
Face of a clock (1 minute)
- Lie on your back, knees bent.
- Imagine a clock face on your lower abdomen.
- Gently tilt your pelvis towards each number (1–12).
- Enjoy the rocking motion without worrying about getting it perfectly right.
Reconnect (1 minute)
- Lie comfortably and breathe.
- Notice whether your hips or pelvis feel different. Is one side more relaxed? Do you feel more connected to the area?
How often to train your fascia
But Sytera says training your fascia shouldn’t just be during exercise – it should be part of your everyday.
“I love reminding people that we’re training our bodies all day, not just during exercise,” she says. “Your fascia’s health reflects how you live. If you’re sitting for hours, get up and move. Constantly sucking in your stomach? Let it go. Clenching your jaw, shoulders or buttocks? Notice and soften. Watch for constipation and straining, which add pressure to the pelvic floor.”
But most importantly, she suggests stopping treating sex as another performance metric: “We’re already told to optimize our sleep, nutrition, workouts, hormones and stress. Do we really need to turn orgasms into another wellness assignment?”
“Sex should be pleasurable, with no age limit for enjoying it,” she adds. “Rather than squeezing harder, giving your pelvic floor more attention, movement and understanding. Sometimes the way to improve performance is to let go.”
Sytera Field is a fascia and biomechanics expert who has helped anyone from elite athletes to corporate leaders relieve pain, improve mobility, and restore physical resilience for more than two decades. Creator of The Nadi Method, she combines advanced anatomy training, biomechanics, and nervous system regulation with principles drawn from Eastern healing traditions to bridge modern science with ancient body wisdom. Her work translates complex concepts into practical, result-driven methods that help people take control of their health, performance, recovery, and longevity. She is the author of the new book, Power Over Pain: Why Fascia Fitness Is the Key to Strength, Recovery, and Longevity.
